Rewatched: Gossip Girl

I’ve never been introspective enough to count how many times I’ve seen Gossip Girl. My guesstimate is 10 times. I don’t have any deep unique takes, but I’ve got heaps of dumb tweet sized thoughts and links to the most iconic scenes:

For some reason Chuck and Nate, who both have unlimited access to private limo services, are riding to school on a public bus. I assume this was just a way to force them to interact with Dan. Chuck smokes a jay and talks like a total sex pest. Nate has really nice floppy catalogue model hair. Everyone gets crunk on what I can only imagine is Dom Perignon in Chuck’s limo, despite previous bus discrepancy. I’ll let this one slide.

The Way I Are is one of my favourite songs of all time. And I would sell a kidney to attend Blair’s Kiss On The Lips party. Let’s ignore pre-redemption arc, un-evolved predator Chuck Bass.

Chuck’s basketball outfit. Carter Baizen looking like a WOMAD attendee. Nate’s biceps.

Blair and Serena beat each other up while I Got it From My Mama by Will-i-am plays. ‘I hope it’s broken!’

No need to explain why this is earth-shatteringly iconic.

I love this as an opening scene. Chuck and Blair’s catty sexually charged discourse is exquisite.

This scene made 12 year-old me quake. Chuck tells Blair he gets butterflies when he thinks about her, and that is just simply how my first TV ship was born.

This literally gives me goosebumps, but that’s probably because I’d die for the song Apologize (or any song by or featuring Timbaland, really…). Here we have Lily rejecting Rufus – because watching Dan and Serena reconcile reminds her of herself and Rufus when when they were younger. We also have Chuck watching Blair and Nate go into a room to have sex, where she will fake losing her virginity to him. Chuck’s expression is priceless, we have never seen him emote this much.

This scene is so bitchy. Quintessential teen drama energy just radiates from the screen. It’s one of the best soundtrack choices they ever made. Perfectly fitting lyrics…

I think this one speaks for itself. Queen shit. 

This scene is funny as fuck. I wish I could claim to have written this dialogue. Nothing scathes more than ‘I don’t think of you‘.

This scene is corny and beautiful. I’d never felt so much relief or satisfaction watching this for the first time. I still smile every time. The way he keeps mumbling ‘I love you’ into her mouth…

I actually kind of hate this scene. Dan and Blair are revolting even as friends. But there is nothing purer than when Gossip Girl plays it’s actor’s songs. This Metro Station x Leighton Meester collab went way too hard in 2009.

I don’t actually care that much for what’s happening here, but Watcha Say by Jason Derulo makes any scene incredibly gripping. And I like how everyone is beefing and Lily is just upstairs drinking wine.

I love the way Chuck says ‘Oh definitely’. This makes me really ache for a proper bisexual Chuck Bass storyline. I might have to take to GG fanfic and put this into fruition myself.

This is so over the top. I’ve never seen Chuck and Blair hornier. One time I forced my friend to reenact the pre-sex dialogue with me because it’s so amazing.

Another instance of Serena being really annoying. ‘I hate it when the duvet puffs up that like that!’. This scene is hilarious and scandalised me as a pre-teen. God I wish I was Blair.

This scene kills me. Dorota’s ringtone when Eleanor calls is I’m a Slave 4 U. The writers really didn’t have to go this hard with the finer details, but they did. And I’m amused/thankful.

LMAO.

Literally could not care less about what is happening in the background while Lady Gaga performs Bad Romance and sends shivers up my spine.

After nearly getting killed by that Russell Thorpe guy, Blair ditches Louis to go to a bar mitzvah with Chuck and dances to Adele. Then they fuck for the ‘last time’, and then he delivers her back to her fiancé.

Chuck completes his full redemption arc journey to the musical backdrop of Lana Del Rey.

Hot.

Nate Archibald may barely have a personality, but this was his finest moment. He is our bland, hot, noble king.

I’m including this scene only because the shitty acting and terrible writing makes me laugh. This is a prime example of Gossip Girl’s season 4/5/6 deterioration in quality.

My final notes:

Once you sideline Blair and Serena’s important (and debatably insufferable) core friendship, force the audience to watch Dan and Blair have sex (multiple times in different public spaces even…), turn the already boring Serena into a plot device for whomever is sub-character of the moment, and remove all of the catty flare from your dialogue, you completely fuck up your show. I will never forgive them for that horrific Charlie Rhodes/Ivy Dickens/Lola Rhodes/Carol Rhodes storyline, for neglecting Eric’s character, for breaking up Lily and Rufus, and then making her marry the guy who abandoned her kids, gave her fake cancer, and conspired against her. Congratulations Gossip Girl, no one fucked up better than you towards the end xoxo