Rewatched: Gossip Girl

I don’t know exactly how many times I’ve seen Gossip Girl, but my guesstimate is at least 10 times. I don’t have any deep or unique takes about the show I made my entire personality for 4 years, but I’ve got heaps of dumb tweet-sized thoughts and links to the most iconic scenes.

For some reason Chuck and Nate, who both have unlimited access to luxury transport services, are riding to school on a public bus. I assume this was just a way for the writers to force them to interact with Dan. Then, Chuck smokes a jay and talks like a total sex pest, while Nate is boring as per usual (his really nice, floppy, catalogue model hair makes up for this through). Then, everyone gets crunk on Dom Perignon in Chuck’s private limo, despite previous bus discrepancy. I’ll let that one slide.

The Way I Are is one of my favourite songs of all time. And I would sell a kidney to attend Blair’s Kiss On The Lips party. Let’s do our best to delete the behaviour of pre-redemption arc, un-evolved predator Chuck Bass from our brains.

Chuck’s basketball outfit. Carter Baizen looking like a WOMAD attendee. Nate’s biceps. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Blair and Serena beat each other up while I Got it From My Mama by Will-i-am plays. ‘I hope it’s broken!’

No need to explain why this is earth-shatteringly iconic.

I love this as an opening scene. Chuck and Blair’s catty sexually charged banter is and will always be exquisite.

This scene made 12 year-old me quake uncontrollably. Chuck told Blair he gets butterflies when he thinks about her, and that is simply how my first, most aggressive TV couple ship was born.

This literally gives me goosebumps, but that’s probably just because I’d die for the song Apologize (or any song by or featuring Timbaland, really). Watching Dan and Serena reminds Lily of herself and Rufus. She feels nostalgic. How could she get in the way of young love?

“Spotted…Chuck Bass losing something no one knew he had to begin with…his heart”
We also have Chuck watching Blair and Nate go into a room to have sex, where she will fake losing her virginity to him. Classic Gossip Girl antics! Chuck’s hurt expression is priceless.

“Brooklyn, we go hard” “We broke, but we rich at heart“ “We think you’re a joke, shove your hope where it don’t shine”
This scene is so bitchy. Quintessential teen drama energy just radiates from the screen. It’s one of the best soundtrack choices they ever made. Perfectly fitting lyrics…

I think this one speaks for itself. Queen shit. 

This honestly blew my little young mind in 2012.

This scene is funny as fuck. I wish I could claim to have written this dialogue. Nothing is more scathing in a minimalist way than ‘I don’t think of you‘.

This scene is corny and beautiful. I’d never felt so much relief or satisfaction or passion when I watched this for the first time. The way he keeps mumbling ‘I love you’ into her mouth…

Okay I actually kind of hate this scene. Dan and Blair are revolting, even as friends. But there is nothing purer than when Gossip Girl plays its own actor’s songs. This Metro Station x Leighton Meester collab went way too hard in 2009.

I don’t actually care for what’s happening here, but Watcha Say by Jason Derulo makes any scene incredibly gripping. And I like how everyone is hardcore beefing while Lily is just upstairs chilling and drinking wine.

I love the way Chuck says ‘oh definitely’. This makes me truly ache for a proper bisexual Chuck Bass storyline. I might have to take to GG fanfic and put this into fruition myself.

This was so over the top. They were so horny.

Another instance of Serena being really annoying. This fucking scandalised me as a pre-teen.
‘I hate it when the duvet puffs up that like that!’.

Lmaoooo

Dorota’s ringtone when Eleanor calls is Britney’s I’m a Slave 4 U. The writers really didn’t have to go this hard with the finer details, but they did.

LMAO.

Lady Gaga performed Bad Romance in the background and sent shivers up my spine.

After nearly getting killed by that Russell Thorpe guy, Blair ditches Louis to go to a bar mitzvah with Chuck and dances to Adele. Then they fuck for the ‘last time’, and then he delivers her back to her fiancé. Lovely 🙂

Chuck completes his full redemption arc journey to the musical backdrop of Lana Del Rey.

Nate Archibald may barely have a personality, but this was epic. Our bland, hot, noble king.

I’m including this scene only because the shitty acting and terrible writing makes me howl with laughter. This is a prime example of Gossip Girl’s season 4/5/6 massive deterioration in quality.

Final notes:

Once you sideline Blair and Serena’s friendship, force the audience to watch Dan and Blair have sex (multiple times, in different public spaces, even), turn Serena into a useless bland plot device for whomever is annoying sub-character of the moment and remove all of the spicy catty flare from your dialogue, you’ve completely arsed your once iconic teen drama.

I will never forgive the writers for that horrifically uninteresting Charlie Rhodes/Ivy Dickens/Lola Rhodes/Carol Rhodes storyline, for completely neglecting sweet emo Eric’s character or for making Lily marry the guy who abandoned her kids, gave her fake cancer and conspired against her.

Congratulations Gossip Girl, no one fucked up more than you towards the end xoxo